Saturday, October 12, 2013

Time Is Fleeting

My sweet little man was officially 2.5 in September. This post may be a bit of a rambler, but I want to jot down my roller coaster of emotions before Sadie arrives. I'm sure many of my thoughts and feelings are typical of any mother expecting a second child. I am so excited for Sadie's arrival, yet it seems bittersweet, as my days of "just Jude" are fleeting. We are thrilled to experience another blessing, but also know that this change will be a forever change, one for the better, but also ending a season that was only for a little while.

As I prepare for Sadie's birth, I think back to those moments of bringing home Jude. The anxiety and excitement all at once. Our first child, the first grandchild on both sides, and as we prepared for our first cross country move. I can honestly say that I LOVE being Jude's Mommy. The way he would smile at me while nursing, his specific noise when going to sleep, how he has always laughed and had a sense of humor. As he began speaking and his love for animals became so apparent, it has been a joy to watch him observe, soak in, and begin to understand the things around him. He is a sweet boy, truly sensitive, yet very much showing his sinfulness daily. He refers to anything big as the "Daddy one", showing his awe of Justin, which melts my heart. No matter how minor a boo boo, he asks me to kiss it. When you ask him what he wants to be when he grows up, he'll tell you "a scientist like Daddy". But, he wants to study the moon, the stars, cows, and pigs. We'll see how that one goes.

He loves the colors orange, red, and green, pizza, bagels with cream cheese, milk, apples, anything with a ball, running, being outdoors, Elmo, Veggie Tales, reading books, and of course, his anything animals.

Jude also wants to please. He will often ask, "Was I bwave Mommy?" or "Are you pwoud of me Mommy?" His personality is much like mine in that he likes to be in control, but also wants to please. He likes things in order and is really becoming more independent. The other day, while going potty, he asked for privacy, went to the bathroom on his own, turned on the light, closed the door, and did his business. I was actually a little sad, seeing that he made it quite obvious his need for me was non-existent.

He has also began to love to sing and dance. Much to may embarrassment, his favorite song is "Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line and he knows many of the words. He has also shown up that he actually  knows all the songs I've sung to him since birth, literally. The other night, he decided to sing with me while I rocked him. Every song, whether it be a children's song, old hymn, new praise and worship, if it's one I've consistently sang, he knew the words. He knows all his ABC's, often confusing M and W (since they're flipped) and can count up to 20. He wants to relearn sign language, since Eli is using it and we hope Sadie will too.

He asks so many questions and enjoys being with others. He is shy, yet warms up quickly. The days of him shielding his face into my shoulder or hiding behind me won't last forever. I don't think we should yearn for past moments, but I do think it's important to remember to enjoy the moment we're in. Looking back, it's easy to wish away those first few weeks when babies are up so often, and then the teething, the ear aches, the frustration of no talking, then the toddler tantrums, and then the attitude and being told "No" way sooner than you expect from your child. These moments are fleeting and I want to enjoy them. Not longing for the past, but just being in them.

Yesterday while eating breakfast, Jude looked at me and asked, "Does Jesus live in my heart?" Oh how my heart soared. I tried to be very careful and tell him that he had to make that choice and explain in his terms about forgiveness, trusting Jesus, etc. All things we try to teach daily. I know he's too young to fully comprehend what that means, but I pray every day that he will come to know Jesus as his Savior and I am so thankful that his heart is being sensitive to it already.

My sweet, sweet baby Jude, as I tell you often, no matter how big you get, you will always be my baby. My first child who captured my heart. The first heart beat I heard from the inside. The first kick I felt. The first cry I heard. Please know that I love you so very much. Though I think you're so wonderful, I also know you're in need of a Savior. I pray daily that your Daddy and I will point you in His direction. May you choose to live a life worthy of the Gospel.

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