I'm sure you've heard the phrase "The days are long, but the years are short." Well, I've been struggling with this. My sweet little guy isn't so baby'ish any more. Though he is still very young (19 months) he's walking and talking and doing minimal chores and developing his own personality. Though he still wants to snuggle and cries when I leave, I know these moments are fleeting. I don't want to bask in nostalgia, but enjoy these moments, and the moments to come.
With our most recent move, I started a new teaching job, that though it's very rewarding, it's also very challenging and I had to leave my wonderful 4 day week at my old school. I had the opportunity to stay home with Jude for 4.5 months after he was born and then only teach 4 days a week at my new teaching position while in AZ. I became very spoiled. I had no idea the shift of going back to 5 days a week would effect me this much, emotionally that is. I miss Jude. I mean, I truly LONG for my time with him in the evenings. Justin and I almost argue over who rocks him to sleep, who bathes him, and who gets to wake him up in the morning (except on the weekends :)). With that said, my desire to be at home has gotten even stronger. I know that due to Justin's PhD and job position, this is not possible for us now, but I am thankful that it is something we're working for in the future. (For those who don't know, I do EVERYTHING in the books to make it "work" but with a husband in school full time, student loans, and air fare, I have to work. I coupon, we own only 1 car, we have no cable, limited cell phones, shop at thrift stores, I give the boys hair cuts, etc. Judgers, judge a way.) I do not judge Mom's who choose to always work, mine did, but for me and our family, I know that I want this for a season while our children are small. I'm sad that I won't be able to have it for all of Jude's young years, but I am hopeful God will provide this in the future.
This week, Jude contracted Hand, Foot, and Mouth disease from day care. (Almost every single child in his class got it.) For those who don't know, it's not related to the animal disease Hoof and Mouth. :) Though it's not terribly serious, it's extremely uncomfortable, and for Jude, has cause blisters all over his mouth and throat. I know it's a childhood thing, but my baby has been pitiful. With that said, as much as I long to be with Jude every day, I've been forced to do just that this week while staying home with him. And you know what, I haven't taken advantage of it. I think of my to-do list often, checking off chores, budgets, looking up news, especially about the election, and even being tempted to waste time on FB. I pray daily for God to provide for our family in His timing to allow me to stay home and to minister and love on my children full time, and when He gives me that, even if it is because Jude is sick, I don't take advantage of it. Can you say "discontented heart"?
As I was rocking Jude today to get him to nap, I was singing to him and praying over him and the Holy Spirit spoke right to me. He said, "Enjoy this." Simple. Yes, Jude was sweaty and sleepy and whiney. But I am home for the day, exactly what I know my heart really wants. Who cares if the sheets are in the dryer or the dishes are in the sink. I get to hold my sweet "baby" boy for a little while longer. I'm beginning to understand why my Mom said her house would be kept when her children were grown.
Speaking of the devil, my sweet baby is waking now and I get to be with him! :) Not at 4:30 this afternoon like usual, now, at 3 pm!
On a lighter note, we had a wonderful weekend last weekend with sweet friends from AZ who came to visit and Mom and Jillian will be here tomorrow night! Picture post will be soon.